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User talk:JusticeDemocrat666
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the SMILE page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 22:29, June 17, 2017 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. MrDupin (talk) 19:28, July 28, 2017 (UTC) Review Hello. While the story is well written, I'm afraid it just doesn't have much going on. The format of the story (mother telling son a scary story) is interesting, but it also puts a lot of "weight" on your shoulders as a writer. The mother wants to scare the son, and the reader is reminded that you must scare them. Immersion is broken and the expectations rise. If you deliver, it will be great, but the bar has risen. Unfortunately the plot itself was lacking. The antelope thing wasn't creepy and the general idea lacked the scary-factor. I was hoping the ending would have twist that would salvage the below average antelope-plot, but the twist you delivered was also below average. It is revealed the girl was the mother's sister and that's it. There is a bit of room to let the reader's imagination run, but anything I come up with is a stretch. A better twist would have nudged the story above the QS. When reading the story I thought the twist would be that the mother was the girl and by telling the story to the boy she willingly broke the promise to the antelope and then something bad would happen. Still not great, but it would have been an improvement. All in all, I'm afraid this doesn't meet the quality standards. You do have the basics down though and your prose flows smoothly, and there were in general no technical issues, so if you keep at it you can produce a great story in the future. You just have to try out different concepts until you struck gold. Hope this helped. Happy future writing! MrDupin (talk) 22:04, July 28, 2017 (UTC)